A devout Christian dies. Peter winks as his soul passes through the impenetrable Gates of Heaven. Everyone is gay and– like, gay as in happy– Fags aren't allowed in Heaven.

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How long does it take a person to steal a television? Many variables could determine said ability to successfully steal a television. Such variables depend on sub-variables such as weight of the television, whether the television is a store, an upper-class citizen's home, or in a "ghetto" apartment. A main variable could be the race of the thief in question. African Americans are scientifically more likely to steal a television faster compared to a Caucasian. Yet a downside to being an African American is the fact that they are more likely to be called in for questioning or arrested on the spot at their broken down home. Caucasians are less likely to be questioned and if caught will most likely obtain the proper amount of bribery money in which to pay off the police.

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Why did the man run away from the woman? He forgot his rape kit.

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What's the one good thing about being a paraplegic? Nothing.

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"Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave."

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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what do you call a man without an umbrella? wet

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A black man, an asian man, and white man walk into a bar. Not that out of the ordinary since America is a melting pot.

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Why was the little girl crying Someone therew a dump truck at her

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In Soviet Russia, Joseph Stalin killed a lot of people and there was nothing funny about it.

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Knock knock! Who's there? IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU'RE NOT COMING TO MY HOUSE!!!! *closes door*

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melons are berries, tomatoes are fruit, being a smart-ass isn't that good.

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What is worse than being bitten by a snake? Being bitten twice! - Louis

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An Irishman, an American, an Australian, a Chinese man, a Turk, a Brazillian, a Canadian, a Jew, an African, a German, a Mexican, a Norweigian, a Swede, a Spaniard, a Russian and an Indian walk into a bar.

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Your friend is so gay he has consensual sex with other men, and enjoys it.

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Your momma's so fat she has diabetes and my have to get one of her legs amputated. It's actually quite sad.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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i was born with 99 medical problems, and the difficulty to count till 100.

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why was the frog sad..... because it was stappled to the boys face

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hi

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1: I heard a great knock knock joke, but you have to start it. 2: Okay, knock knock! 1: Who's there? 2: ???

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How do you make a kids parents mad? Fly an SR71-BLACKBIRD into him.

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j

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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