A man walks into a shop and picks up some items for his party. He walks out of the shop without paying for the items. The police are promptly called and the man receives a 4 year sentence in prison for shoplifting.

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot

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Why couldn't Timmy go to the bathroom? He was constipated.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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What's worse than blowing out 1 lightbulb Blowing out 2 lightbulbs

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An optimistic person says the glass is half full Pessimistic people say the glass is half empty Engineers say the glass is 2 times the size it needs to be.

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You had better thumbs up this post.

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So Superman walks into a bar right, WRONG, Superman flies into bar

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Your mamma so fat she bungie jumped straight to hell

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Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

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Why did James drop his ice-cream? He was mourning the loss of his mother to terminal illness so he threw himself in front of a train.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey, I just met you

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if you fall, I'll be there. -floor

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What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

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Lollies are sweet warheads are sour, open your legs and feel my power

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What did one lawyer say to the other? Hello

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What did the dog say to the mailman? Woof.

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What did God say to Abraham? Nothing, because God doesn't exist.

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Pickles are powerful

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Q: What used to be black, and then became white, and touches young boys? A: Michael Jackson.

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Why was the dog fallowing the fat guy. The fat guy said come.

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69.

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I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands, when they first came out. Well, I say bought. I actually stole it from a short, fat ginger kid.

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My friend asks me what my mom does for a living and i told him that she is a nurse. Then he says "That a good job because she is able to save lives". I quickly reply "She works in an abortion clinic".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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