Roses are red Violets are blue Cats meow Dogs have four legs

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Remember those days where we planned what to do with our lives instead of wondering what things lied ahead? Those where the days, it does not matter if we are relics, heroes, or villains today. Back then, we did not seek to discover our future, we sought to create it, back then our people did not pray for a better day, but worked for it. And love and kindness was not something only found in heaven, but what we shared in what was the closest thing, to heaven on earth. Tell me the truth, are there many like us left in this world?

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What do chickens, pictures and babies have in common? Nothing.

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One I grabbed a lump of coal, and crushed it with such strength, that a human being was born out of it. That man is today known as Chuck Norris. Nero.

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had completed its task on the aforementioned other side and was returning back to the coop for a feeding now that the sun had set.

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whats worse than dieing in an airplane? jumping out of the airplane to save yourself and emediatly getting shredded by the massive engine you did not have the wits to see.

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How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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Why did the person get hit by a fridge? They didn't for its physically impossible for most people to throw a normal sized refrigerator.

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All the planets are named after gods Ours is named after dirt....

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Roses are red, Violets are violet, If you think Violets are blue you're an idiot because they're called violets for a reason.

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Police. Your family is dead...

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An Irishman walked into a bar, except he would call it a pub, because there are slight differences in vocabulary in different regions, 37 minutes later he walked home safely, fed his cat, read some pages of a book he had been reading, turned the light off and went to bed.

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What's worse than a papercut? Dying

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

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What's black, then white, then dead all over? Michael Jackson

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A blonde was told to go to the into the nearby swimming pool and sniff the Scratch-and-Sniff sticker on the bottom. Once at the bottom, she quickly realized that it was not a good idea and swam back to the surface.

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While out looking for sex last week I met a hooker who looked like a rhino. I said to her, "Do you charge?" She said, "Sir, I am arresting you under the Street Offences Act 1959. You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court."

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Ask me what my name is. What's your name. My name is Jeff.

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What was Helen Keller's favorite activity? fingering herself...

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I told my friend one of these anti-jokes, he took it seriously and beat my head with a bat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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