What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas? The sweet, merciful release of death at the hands of his father, who had been struggling with the emotional and financial drain of raising a severely disabled child for many years. It was only a matter of time before the man snapped, as he was a single parent working twenty hour days, seven days a week, to just barely cover all the medical bills that the specialists and therapy incurred.

thumb_up thumb_down

this last joke was a correction to the other one

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because this chicken had a mental disability and saw on the news that there was a hospital on the other side of the road that could treat his illness and possibly save his life, allowing him to fulfill his life-long dream of retirement. But knowing that chickens do not possess the brain power capable of understanding the situation that this chicken was in, it had probably gotten lost and just wandered off.

thumb_up thumb_down

what did blonde say to the square? ur a square which is comprised of four equal sides and always have four lines of symmetry.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man noticed that the sun was coming in brightly through his window. He was trying to take a nap and didnt appreciate the sunlight. He closed the blinds.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why could the little girl not swim? She had rabies.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? names.....

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you know that an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The door is ripped off and the refrigerator is lying on it's side. All the shelves are strewn around the floor and your food has been partially eaten or simply crushed. You also have costly damage done to your house and most likely a frightened elephant in your house

thumb_up thumb_down

Person1: wanna hear a joke? Person2: yeah Person1: ok

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: If Alma have 4 corners..? A: Then there must be something wrong with Alma...

thumb_up thumb_down

Whats worse then a rainy day? Rape.

thumb_up thumb_down

I would tell you a joke about a pencil but there would be no point.

thumb_up thumb_down

The kid next door was running around shouting spells and carrying a wand. ''I bet you'd love to be like Harry Potter!'' I told him. ''Yes!'' he exclaimed. So I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down

me and joey are going to watch the football game, at this point you relize you shouldn't hang out with joey and the other guy because it is joey and I not me and joey

thumb_up thumb_down

Three men walk into a bar. Something happens not at relating to them.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas? A long sleeve shirt

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? feel the other side of the worm in his mouth

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the spider cross the road? He was stuck to the bottom of my shoe!

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a small chinese person? They prefer the term little person to the term midget.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you make seven an even number? You don't, it's impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q. What's rare, horny, and a myth towards most guys who have never seen one? A. A Unicorn.

thumb_up thumb_down

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops