When life gives you lemons.... Don't eat them, because you're probable hallucinating, and you don't know where they came from.

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What's the difference between cat and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The other is a watermelon.

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How many ants are in the kitchen? None. We killed them all.

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Little Stephanie was up all night on Christmas eve excited for her new bike that Santa was going to bring her. After tossing and turning for what seemed like decades, the sunset finally arose and Stephanie ran down the steps to unwrap her new bike with the family. Immediately after she went down the staircase, she found her parents marinated in their own blood, with knife wounds all around their body.

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Why are you a chicken? Because I say cock-a-doodle doo

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what comes in a can ? Beans Where do beans come from ? Cans

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A russian, a mexican, and an american are all sitting in a tavern. The russian ordered vodka, the mexican orders tequila, and the american orders a beer. When the waiter arrives, the russian throws his vodka into the air, shoots it, and says "we got too many of those in our country". The mexican tosses up his tequila and says "we got too many of those in our country". The american throws up his beer, shoots the mexican, and says "we got too many of those in our country". And then drinks his beer.

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Q: Why did the black man run from the chainsaw? A: Someone was trying to kill him with it.

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How did Helen Keller's Parents punished her? The put a doorknob on her door.

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A dog was driving his car down the road right? Wrong dogs can't drive cars

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What is red and has wheels? Grass, I lied about it being red and having wheels.

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Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because you touch yourself at night.

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What's ugly and has shit smeared over its teeth? Smelly McD (He also wears bin bag clothes)

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Why was timmy having trouble with his homework? Because lobotomies were a forced practice in the 1950's.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he was trying to kill himself in the fastest and easiest way due to his drinking problems, which in the first place separated him him from his wife, who is fighting with him in court for custody of there only child ,Steven. He can not even pay the rent on his apartment or hold a job to pay child support..he is also in debt.

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What happened to the black guy that rammed his ankle against the bed frame? Yelled profusely until it stopped hurting.

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Why was the women not in the kitchen? She was dead

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Ich bin nicht der Anführer

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When he was a little boy, what was Chaz Bono's favorite Cher song? Chaz Bono was never a little boy, he was a girl.

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how does chuck norris eat an apple Just like every other person

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roses are red violets are blue, every 1 looks at you and call u a fool

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K O O K A B U R R A . . . . . . . . . . ReTweet

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your mom is so fat.

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A seal walks into a club. The man proceeds to skin it and sell the fur for profit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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