What would you do for a klondike bar? I'm allergic to milk.

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What did the asshole say to his friend behind him? Fart

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If your reading this you will realize that this sentence means nothing and I have just taken 5 seconds of your life that you'll never get back.

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The man was so nice It's too bad he couldn't hear the bus coming.

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Whats the difference between a rake and a sack of dead babys? i dont have a rake in my garage.

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What do you get when you cross an own and a bungee cord? My ass

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your face is kinda funny

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What did the flag say to the pole? It dosnt

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What did the tree say to the kite? She got hit by a fridge.

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What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? " I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

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What do you call five black guys surrounding one white guy who bosses them around? Whatever his name is.

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What do you call a blue chair A black person

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A dyslexic man's favourite clothing shop is Tampon.

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Whats more fun than throwing a dead baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork.

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How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ...get back in the kitchen, I'm hungry

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roses are red violets are blue i have Downs Syndrome... and a ding-dong potato

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Why didn't the girl get on the school bus? It was Sunday.

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What do you call a woman who can't walk? A paraplegic.

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what do you call your mom? mom

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Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

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who should be competing in the paralympics? Brent the retard!

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can A hundred dead babies in a trash can Whats worse than a hundred dead babies in a trash can A live one at the bottom Whats worse than that It eats it way out Whats worse than that It brings friends

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why did the boy cry because i punched him so hard in the face he shit out his teeth for the next three weeks

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jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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