A blind man walks into a bar. The next day he goes out and buys a new seeing eye dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I also wanted to write a joke but I forgot it so here I am. Minecraft rocks and everyone who says otherwise is a noob

thumb_up thumb_down -28

from south park what do u call a jew on a rope no one ever said the answer, so my answer is a jew on a rope.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Throughout her entire pregnancy Sheniqua smoked, drank, and did many narcotic drugs such as heroin and cocaine. Why did she lose her baby before coming to term? Because I strangled her to death for being black.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Roses Are Blue I Have A Gun And Ill Sout You!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I have a great knock knock joke. You start. Go.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

why couldn't the little boy sleep? he was being tortured.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What do you call a dead guy under the ocean? Murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? He called the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

If a black person gets a tan, what do you get? A burned black sausage.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why didn't the parachute open? nevermind

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A seal walks into a club. The man proceeds to skin it and sell the fur for profit.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

How do you get a man out of a box? Blow the box up

thumb_up thumb_down -28

"We wear pink on Wednesdays"" -Mean Girls, 2004

thumb_up thumb_down -28

how do you make a black person stop drowning you take your boot of his head

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I heard that the Boston marathon was a BLAST!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

knock knock. no one answered so the man at the door went home.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Q. At the main menu why are there two people sad? A. Because there is.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A duck walks into a bar. the manager kicks him out considering animals are not allowed in the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone What doesn't kill you is a bad attempt on your life.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did the housewife become a farmer? Because the kitchen was burned down in a horrific accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A Mexican man, an American man, and an Italian man go to a bridge. The mexican said "we have too much of this in our country!" and throws pasta into the water. The Mexican man says "we have to much of this in out country!" and throws a taco into the water. The American throws in the Mexican man and says "we have to much of these in our country!"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's the difference between a 7 year old boy and a 50 year old man? Hair.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops