Why did the bud driver drop his ice cream? Because he hit a boy.

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What's the difference between a Jewish child and pizza? Pizza does not scream in the oven.

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey along came her food allergies and she died

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Why was i said when 4 black people in a cadillac fell over a cliff. The car blew up...

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What's worse than getting a flat tire on a date? getting one while rushing your dying grandfather to the hospital.

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The grandfather's grandson said, "They charged me $10 just for a cup of coffee!" The grandfather said, "They charged me with bayonets."

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? No. Oh don't worry then.

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Wait what? What if you use the what what? Sorry I am still like super hypnotic trippy, dont worry though, I dont want it to end.

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ur mamas so ugly cause when she looked up at the sky it started to rain

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? This would be unlikely to happen, as it would cut the story short.

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who has less of a soul then you? a ginger

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Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

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why did the kid die? his mom shot him

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How do you torture Helen Keller? You put her on a table and slowly pull her limbs off

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.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................00............................................................................................................................................I..........................................................................................................................................._____....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

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What do you call a guy wearing a white leisure suit? Mister Rourk? No, you call the dud wearing the white duds.

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What do you call an African American who flies a plane? A Pilot

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How did the boy break his hand? He slammed it in a car door.

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How do you make a baby stop crying? Make it smell its own diaper then, drown it in its own tears.

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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What do you call a Muslim that walks onto a plane? A passenger

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Women are like fish. It's hard to tell when they are crying underwater.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Plants are green because of the high levels of mitochondria in their cells.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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