A man in an airport asked me if i wanted my bag to be carry-on. So i said yes.

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What's old and has wet pants? My grandma with a bladder problem

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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Why did the police officer pull over a black guy? He was going over the appropriate speed limit for that area.

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So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

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Why was the black man holding the knife in such a particular manner? Because he was getting dinner ready for his family.

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What do you call a Mexican that swam across the border? An illegal immigrant.

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What do a Jew and a homeless man both have in common? They both get nothing for Christmas

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Theory: Jesus: Father why must I go die in order to defeat sin, is sin not a product of humans? God: SHHH! You want humans to know they are stronger than us? Real life: Later on the cross Jesus: FATHER WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! God: *Thunder* Moral: Makes sense... Kinda? Maybe? A bit? I honestly do not get it :(

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What did the Pitchfork say to the Gremlin? Nothing, because its a pitchfork, and gremlin's don't exist.

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Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

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yo momma's so dumb she attended a dyslexic test and was proven mildly autistic.

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Steve Jobs Died today. So did 56 million other people.

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Why do vampires drink blood? Maybe if they existed you could ask one.

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Why do girls not have penises? Because there girls

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How can you tell the difference between a black man and a white man? Quite easily actually.

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And the guy who played Trapper John on MASH wins the coveted 'Last Famous TV Person to Die in 2015' award!!! Woooooooo!!!!

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What do you get when you stab a four year old in the chest 57 times A dead body

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Roses are red Violets are blue life is a bitch and so are you

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A Muslim man walks away from a populated area leaving his briefcase behind. After a few minutes he returns because he forgot his briefcase.

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Q: On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your favorite color of the alphabet? A: Apple

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Who kille the Mockingbird? George Bush: i wish i could know the answer for this question, but belive me i am thinking.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This doesn't rhyme F*ck it

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What goes in long and hard and comes out wet and sticky? A penis after orgasmic intercourse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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