What do you call a man with no arms or legs? His name.

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Three men walked into a bar the other one ducked. SI

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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What is human, went bankrupt eight times, got a small loan of a million dollars, and is over all a terrible person? Your probably thinking Donald Trump Well your correct.

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What did the agnostic say when he turned blue? He said "wow why am I blue?"

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A man in an airport asked me if i wanted my bag to be carry-on. So i said yes.

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What's old and has wet pants? My grandma with a bladder problem

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Why did the police officer pull over a black guy? He was going over the appropriate speed limit for that area.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

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Why was the black man holding the knife in such a particular manner? Because he was getting dinner ready for his family.

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yo momma's so dumb she attended a dyslexic test and was proven mildly autistic.

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What did the Pitchfork say to the Gremlin? Nothing, because its a pitchfork, and gremlin's don't exist.

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Steve Jobs Died today. So did 56 million other people.

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What do you call a Mexican that swam across the border? An illegal immigrant.

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Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

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What do a Jew and a homeless man both have in common? They both get nothing for Christmas

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Theory: Jesus: Father why must I go die in order to defeat sin, is sin not a product of humans? God: SHHH! You want humans to know they are stronger than us? Real life: Later on the cross Jesus: FATHER WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! God: *Thunder* Moral: Makes sense... Kinda? Maybe? A bit? I honestly do not get it :(

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what's black, white, and red all over? a penguin stuck in a blending machine

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Why do vampires drink blood? Maybe if they existed you could ask one.

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What do you get when you stab a four year old in the chest 57 times A dead body

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Roses are red Violets are blue This doesn't rhyme F*ck it

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Why do girls not have penises? Because there girls

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What goes in long and hard and comes out wet and sticky? A penis after orgasmic intercourse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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