HOLY SHIT, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

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How do you make your grandma fly? Push her off the back of a plane.

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Take sebastian deep into the woods and put him down quickly

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Knock knock. Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? God bless you.

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Why did Jimmy never like old people? Because he was abused as a child by one.

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Why did the whale rape a guy? He wanted to see what would happen.

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One time at band camp.............that's it........

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Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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How do you get 100 Africans in a phone box? Throw a can of beans in there.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to prove he could. Did it workout? NO

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2 + 2 = fish

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What is green, brown, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on you from out of a tree? A pool table

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know chickens are absent minded creatures that can aimlessly walk around.

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My Grandma has Alzheimers and always repeats what she says. My Grandma has Alzheimers and always repeats what she says. (Submitted by Aidan)

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what do a carrot and an elephant have in common? theyre both orange except for the elephant.

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What do you call a person mowing a lawn? A Mexican

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What is more black than a Nigerian marathon runner? The night sky

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Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? It got hit by a stone. Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? It was hit by the first Koala. Why did the third Koala fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game. Why did the Kangaroo die? It was hit by three falling Koalas.

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Why did the girl fall off her bike? I threw a ball at her.

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What's worse than having a zit on your face? Getting blue waffle.. google if you don't know what blue waffle is..

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What's the difference between a cow and a cow? Nothing, they are both the same.

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An astronaut walks into a bar. He orders a beer. After waiting for about 1 and a half minutes he receives his beer. The bartender says it was 3 dollars. The astronaut checks his wallet and finds no money so he pays with credit card. The bartender swipes his credit card but the card doesn't work. So the astronaut takes out his debit card. When the bartender swipes the debit card it worked. In relief the astronaut looks at the bartender and says "Thank you" and then goes home.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange Who? Oranges are very good for you and enriched with vitamin C that is apparently good to intake when you are experiencing cold/flu like symptoms during the winter season and your doctor won't give you medication because you aren't sick enough and you already ask for medication to much because you think you are always sick with something. That's what happens when you're a hypochondriac.

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Whats two plus two? Miles

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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