knock knock who's there? be. be who? *hits you with a batterang. BECAUSE ITS BATMAN

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

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There are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin says, "Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?". The second one says, "Hey, look! A talkin' muffin!".

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If a girl sleeps with 20 guys, she's a slut. If a guy does the same... He's Gay.

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What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

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What do you call a man with ADHD ? A man with ADHD.

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What's worse than bad words? People who say them

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A Mexican, a black man and a Pakistani walk into a bar. Everyone immediately runs out seeing the potential danger in the situation that's about to unfold.

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"My grandmother has AIDS. They are really nice ladies." -joke by comedian Daniel Cupps

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Q: Have you heard from that guy who dropped a piano on his head? A: No one has, he dropped a piano on his head.

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What time do you go to the dentist? Depends on the appointment.

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what do you tell a woman with one black eye? "sorry about that wild ball, you played a fantastic softball game otherwise"

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Q: Why did the black guy cross the road? A: Hell, I don't know. He probably stole something.

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What's the difference between a car and 10 dead babies? I don't have 10 dead babies in my garage.

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Why did Dom stop smoking? Because he died

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Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber get married.... Friends and family attend the wedding

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Who needs god when coffee is cheaper

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Why did the man start a shooting spree at walmart? Because he is mentally unstable and people at walmart make easy targets.

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What did one hand say to the other? Nothing, you fool, hands don't talk.

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Ask me if i am a tree? "Are you a tree" No.

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What did the mother say when her sons asked for a can of pop? No you have diabetes.

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Is your refrigerator running. Yes. Good, then I don't need to call an electrician.

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What's worse than public speaking? Public masterbation. *Spelled it wrong purposly to bypass the filter*

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I don't want to share my name yet if that is okay, I mean I have not seen you, but you have seen me just saying. Tell me how old you are first, I am 26, or 27, being more or less an orphan since birth details like that kinda lose themselves. And no, its not Eliza, I will wait for you here if you do not mind, there are still people that have thought I am Nero all this while, that`s what worries me, I doubt I can convince them I am chatting with myself this time around.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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