I may have alzheimer's but at least I don't have alzheimer's.

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KONY 2012! *world rises up cheering in spontaneous patriotism for Africa* Leader of KONY 2012 arrested for public masturbation

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Where did little Annie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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What did the doctor say to the patient? You have cancer.

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How do you keep kids off your lawn? You molest them.

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What's Jewish and gay? Henry Shine

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What's black and white and red all over? The dead kitten on the road.

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What is black, white and red all over? A black man has been shot and a white paramedic is standing over him trying to save his life.

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Warning: Are you 16 and curious and stuff? DO NOT SNIFF YOUR SISTERS HEAVILY PERFUMED PANTIES! Because you know hormones, and then 18 years later she uses the same perfume and... Yeeah.. ITS HORMONES! DON'T PRETEND YOU NEVER SMELLED A PUSS... Well, nevermind guys, I believe you :)) PS: By DO NOT, I mean DO! I mean just make sure you dont get your mothers panties, your sister is gonna be like "Omg you are such a perv you and your dick always up my face!" Then you can go all like "yeeeaah you wish!" Moms panties? Seriously man, that is just sick! You need to get some self respect!

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Okay, but lets write a contract, if you regret your decision at anytime, you get it all back, minus what I have spent of course, both I and my wife have always wanted to live in a house by the sea, hopefully you nearby. You know, I have never been truly happy because I thought I could change this world, now I know that I tried and failed, maybe I can change myself instead, they say that true change comes from within.

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What are we then hypocrites?

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Where does the girl with one leg work? Ihop

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you: knock knock person: who's there you: interrupting cow person: interrupting cow you:MOOOOOOOOO

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what's red and smells like blue paint? im color blind

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I like peanuts. I like peanuts. I like peanuts. I'm allergic to peanuts. DAMIT

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. It was a footless chicken.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Sunflowers are red. My garden is on fire.

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whats worse then being lit on fire? dont worry about that right now your ass is on fire!

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He got AIDS and died.

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What do you call a dead baby who died by getting ran over by a car? Jimmy

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What did the kid say before he died Nothing he was terminally ill

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What shoes keep dogs quiet? Hush puppies.

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This is a joke only for males: Walk into any semi busy public restroom. Stand at the urinal for about 30 seconds to a minute acting as though you cannot find your penis. Make sure you have the attention of at least 2 other urinators and then exclaim quite loudly "I can't find it!" then walk out.

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A black man and a mexican are in a car. Whos driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had come upon them and an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful time. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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