Is maynaise an instrument?

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Why couldnt the boy lick his elbows? Because he lost his arms after he was violently beaten by his drunk father with a bat.

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If you give a mouse a cookie... you're destroying their natural diet.

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What did Batman tell Robin before he entered the batmobile? Robin, I had sex with your mother this last Thursday.

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How do you catch wet wood on fire? Ask a business owner in Ferguson, MO, to keep it in their store.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple All of the antijokes about it

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Q. want to hear the biggest lie in the world ? A. sure A.I have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service

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how do you fix a family? Someone gives in

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What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

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Why did the boy want to sleep in the same bed as his parents? His bedroom was on fire.

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Why was patrick sad? he was raped then murdered then super raped

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Why did the boy die? He got shot in the face repeatedly.

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how do you find a ghost? shoot yourself.

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1 + 1 ? Hmm, I don't know, maybe 2 but I could be wrong.

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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Q: What's the difference between a plum and a rabbit? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit

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Why don't you push a mexican off a bike, because its probably yours,

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what do you call a man who is addicted to alcohol... an alcoholic

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A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

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What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple whilst you're in a bar after finding out you have cancer when you visited your families grave? Having a refrigerator thrown at you by an aids infected monkey with no arms or legs.

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A man walks into a bar. He says, "Ouch!" Later that day, the man's daughter takes him to the doctor because he's acting strangely. The doctor gives him an MRI and the daughter is told that her father sustained severe brain damage from the injury. Now the daughter has to juggle taking care of her father, taking care of a child she bore from a drunken one-night stand, and recovering from her meth addiction at a rehab facility, all while making minimum wage at her dead end job. Eventually she hangs herself, leaving her father and child to slowly die on their own.

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Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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what happens when 15 babies cross the street? well, some may be hit by cars. others will have to face the harsh life of reality.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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