5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

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a black man and his girlfriend are in a car, who is driving? the cop

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If your uncle jack helped you off your horse, would you help your uncle jack off a horse? Yes

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Why didn't the black man eat a packet of crisps? Because he didn't have any.

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What is the difference between a shark and a human? A shark is a type of fish with a full cartilaginous skeleton and a highly streamlined body and a human is the only living species in the Homo genus.

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What does a chocolate bar and a dolphin have in common? Nothing

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I'M JOSH BROWN!!!!!

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Whats red and yellow? A chicken in the blender.

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when a midget takes weed, does he get high or medium???

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Why did the dinosaurs die out? Because you touch yourself at night.

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What do you call a blind man on a jet ski? Dead.

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Q: What do you call a Muslim controlling a plane? A: A pilot.

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This is not a joke

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A very unattractive girl bent over in front of me. I proceeded to be sick, and then I choked on my sick. I died. My family mourn my death every day.

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What did the man in need of a prosthetic arm get from the hospital? A diagnosis for cancer.

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Two muffins were in a microwave. One muffin said, 'It's getting hot in here." What did the other muffin say? Nothing, muffins can't talk.

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What did the kid say to the ginger? You're gay.

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Why did susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms... Why didn't she get up? She didn't have any legs... Why didn't anyone help her? She didn't have any friends. Then she died

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food?

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whats worse than failing your maths test? getting aids

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Q) What's worse than getting dumped by text? A) Getting hit by a fridge.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being raped by your uncle

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. ------ Knock Knock Whose there? Not Suzie

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THIS ONE IS MIIINE THIS ONE IS MIIINE I AM TOTALLY TIFA I AM TOTALLY TIFA! This one apparently.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops