What's orange and sounds like a parrot? An orange parrot.

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Why the bird can't fly? Because i cutt off his wings.

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Q: Why was the baby crying? A: I kicked it.

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Why did the little boy get food poisoning? Because his family can't afford to buy organic food, and can only afford McDonald's burgers, where their cows are forced to stand in their own feces.

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i hate christians and muslims, until drugs are involved. iduno what dat is, i try it.

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My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

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Q: why was the girl so dumb A: her teacher was a blond

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do.

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what happens when you and a 6 foot black guy get stuck on an island? hang him by a tree and make shelter

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I told my wife she was like a fine wine She asked if it was because she improves with age. I told her yes All was well.

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One girl said to her friends, "LOL guys wait for me." She ran to a pile of corpses. The girl was about to lose her sanity as she was in denial when her friends had died. She held hands of two of the corpses and smiled and pretended everything was ok.

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Why did the little girl drop her school books? A kid jacked her in the head with a brick.

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Why did Helen Kelley's dog run away I'd run away to if my name was. Ughgughgughgiggughfufh.

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What do you call a man looking at Anti jokes on this ? you

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Why did Moses cross the road? He wanted to play Xbox with his friend Jeff. Moses was a 12 year old boy from California.

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What is the difference between a duck? One of it's legs are both the same!

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lipstick pig

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Whats the difference between a lemon and an ant? They're both yellow except for the lemon.

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A blind man walks past a fish market, pauses, takes in a big sniff, and says, "Good morning ladies!" to the women walking by wearing too much perfume.

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What did the polar bear say when he walked into a sauna? Absolutely nothing because he was a polar bear. I mean seriously, did I even have to ask? Everyone should know that a polar bear is an animal and he wouldn't say anything. If he did it would most likely be a growl or a roar. If you believed that he would have said something you obviously didn't pass the first grade. I finish with the fact that a polar bear would not survive in a sauna because they are accustomed to cold climate. I guess this was just a waste of time.

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*insert joke here*

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Why did the 14 year old girl have sex? Because she's in love with her boyfriend and that's how she expresses it.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Why can you punish cows but not fish? Because you can ground beef, but not fish!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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