whats long and stretchy? elastic

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A dyslexic man walks into a saloon and asks for a hair cut.

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Q:Whats funnier than 24? A: 25.

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What do you call a room with a white man a black man and a hot pocket? A reasonable meal

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What's the difference between a bird? Both legs are the same, especially the left one

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Your mom is so fat that she should watch her weight and maintain a healthy diet.

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There were 3 women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were driving with a gorilla when suddenly the car crashed. All the women died but only the gorilla survived. The police investigated with the gorilla and did some simple sign language. The police, using hand motions, asked the gorilla what each individual female was doing before the car crashed. The gorilla ran away for reasons unknown.

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why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? he got hit by a bus why was the little girl happy? because she found an icecream cone

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A kangeroo is stuck in a tree with no headlights, how many waffles does it take to get to the moon? NO, silly. Snakes don't have armpits.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? How the hell should I know I'm not a mind reader.

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how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What's green and has wheels? a green car.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Everything I did, Was just a mistake like you.

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Why wouldn't the baby boy stop crying when the babysitter was in the room? Because he put cigarettes out on him.

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How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?

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The guy above me has a very nice joke

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Why has the suicide in dentists decreased? -Due to the fact that being a dentist makes suicide redundant!

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Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. Martin was a lonely man

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Q:What would strawberry short cake never say? A: Very

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(joker) Do you like fishsticks? (recipient) "No" (any response from the joker at this point qualifies as anti joke)

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How old is Batman? Old enough to be a bat.

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A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.

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What has a beard and bombed the World Trade Center? Oama Bin Ladin. No, but seriously he's a terrorist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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