What's bigger than your penis? The Empire State Building.

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What's the difference between mustangs and dead babies I don't collect mustangs

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A baby seal walks in to a club... That's it. That's the joke.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at poetry show me your tits

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What did the nurse say to the man who got an erection while being given a sponge bath? She assured him it was a normal reaction and moved on to clean his arms.

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What did the doctor say to the terminally ill patient? Your going to die.

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what would be worse then 9/11 and the holocaust? -if the twin towers fell on a concentration camp

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Two ducks are sitting on washcloths in the middle of a lake. One duck looks to the other and asks, "hey, do you have any soap?" to which the other duck responds, "what do you think I am, a typewriter?"

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Why was the brick acting yellow? No, because it's allowed via Tuesday.

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A man walks into a restaurant and orders a rare steak. Soon after, he gets food poisoning.

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Q: Why was the boy sad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy mad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy in pain? A: Because a clown was ripping off the boys big toes with a hacksaw, all the while causing the small boy emotional pains by killing the boy's orange cat.

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Why did the boy dress up as a zombie? Because it was Halloween.

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How many licks does it take for a pedophile to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Given a simple random sample of pedophiles, they will most likely have the same statistical standard normal distribution of tongue sizes and saliva efficacy as any other part of the population. Therefore, that question in regards to the tongues of pedophiles is irrelevant and remains unanswered.

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How many hamburgers can a grizzly bear eat? Maybe 6.

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Whats worse than a dead baby in a puddle of blood? A dead baby in soup.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She was blind and deaf, leaving her unable to respond to external stimuli and thus unlikely to able to pass a basic driving test.

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Why did my cat die? I drowned it in the bath.

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A penguin is driving through Arizona when his car's oil pressure light comes on. He drops his car off with a mechanic who says he'll get to it soon, and to come back in an hour. The penguin leaves the garage and, seeing a Baskin-Robbins across the street, stops in and orders a dish of ice cream. As he eats the ice cream he reflects on the series of extraordinary events that led him to this place, this time, this situation.

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Hear the one about the giraffe and the clown? Yes.

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Women's Rights.

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What do you call a man who writes anti-jokes? Rhys, because that is my name. thank you

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If a man without hands is called a handicap, what do you call a man without legs? A handicap.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

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My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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