Nero, I have 30 million dollars left, lets split them and leave ground zero behind us, I know it would make me happy to share them with you.

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Your mum is so overweight, she is at risk of heart disease, I highly recommend she visits her GP.

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How did the man drown the fish? He ate it.

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A girl walks into a strip club, she was tired of her husband and wanted to see how it was actually done.

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What's black and white and red all over? News paper that was used to cover up a dead body.

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HI MY NAME IS DOUG

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Yo mama so fat she went on a diet and steadily lost wait

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Your mother is so fat she has made a concerted effort to loose weight and lead a healthier lifestyle

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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I really don't care how you dress at my funeral, I'll be dead!

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A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

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What did Batman tell Robin before he entered the batmobile? Robin, I had sex with your mother this last Thursday.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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[Insert dumb, last minute anti-joke here]

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

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What is yellow, smooth, and dangerous? Shark-infested custard

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What's worse than a baby falling? A baby fall in a pit of tar What did the baby say on the way down? "weeeeeee"

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Why don't I understand myself? Because I am an anti-joke and lack a self-aware existence.

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What do you call a black doctor? A doctor you racist

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Why didn't the Hispanic man get elected? Because his policies were unpopular.

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What happens when you shoot a giraffe? It dies.

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Yo mama is so skinny, when she sits around the house, she sits comfortably in every chair. - Stephen Colbert

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Why did the women leave the kitchen? She didn't, women belong in the kitchen.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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