Where did Susie go during the bombing? EVERYWHERE

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a dad farts in the woods nothing else happens

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Knock knock. Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who? (smell my poo)

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Moo! I'm a goat!

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what's purple and tastes like a grape? a grape.

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With the exception of pigs, both pigs and blue jays can fly

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Whats funnier than 2 dead babies? Seinfeld, and I hate Seinfeld.

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What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? The black man has a family of four and is working 12 hours a day at a minimum wage job to afford the high rent, the utility bills, and to buy the pizza to feed his family.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died! Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey!!

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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Hey, did u know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans By: Trey & Trenton of Texas

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How many software professionals does it take to get a file committed to source control? Well, today it took five.

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What`s red and smells like blue paint? A sunburned baby drinking green paint.

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What do you call a Muslim in control of a plane? A pilot

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knock knock who's there Scott, Scott who, Scott Rollheiser stole my joke and posted it here.

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im gunna build a lego house what shud i make it out of

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life is a barrel of tomatoes...unless you paint them blue.

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why was the giraffes head so far away from his body? because he has a long neck

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Two Irish men walks out of a bar

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Why did the dead baby cross the road? It didn't it's a dead baby!

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I just missed my bus. At least I haven't got cancer.

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whats white and looks like paper paper

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what is worse tahn finding a worm in your apple? finding hitler in your house.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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