How many lemons does it take to fix a lightbulb Lemons can't fix lightbulbs as the don't have a mind,heart or any limbs.Think about that crap.

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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What did santa say to the little girl on Christmas Eve? Santa isn't real, but pedophiles are.

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Whats the easiest way to solve problems in Haiti? Nuke them.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Approximately 75 pounds of wood a day

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What do you call a black man who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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What do u call a black polar bear? A black bear

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Yo mama is so stupid, she has a sub-par intelligence quota.

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A man walks out of a bar followed by the people he came with because they just announced "last call". The man is the designated driver for the night.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? James. James who? James from work. Oh, come on in.

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What is 6 plus 9? 15.

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Q: Why was the boy sad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy mad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy in pain? A: Because a clown was ripping off the boys big toes with a hacksaw, all the while causing the small boy emotional pains by killing the boy's orange cat.

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How many hamburgers can a grizzly bear eat? Maybe 6.

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What did Scooby Doo say to Shaggy? Raggy

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Why couldn't the man find his watch? Because he was mugged by a homeless man and had severe brain damage..... ....and because he left it at the office

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what do you call a cow? A cow

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing. Hitler died many years ago now and he was in no position of power during Bin Laden's reign of terror due to the fact that he was already dead. Therefore it is impossible that they could have had any sort of conversation. But now Bin Laden is dead as well. HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!

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Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

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A man walks into a bar. He sees his wife with another man. That man is his brother.

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How does a spider write its diary entries every night? With a pen.

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a man walks into a bar. Bartender asks him "Hey buddy, why the long face?" The man says "Because I'm a raging alcoholic and my wife has left me."

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.

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How'd the little kid get down the stairs when nobody was home? He fell down thhem.

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Why was the picture ruined? Because you were in it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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