What do Batman and Harry Potter have in common? Their parents are dead.

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Anyone??????????/

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A little boy uses a horrible curse against his classmate. The classmate is so angry he tells the teacher. The teacher is so astounded at the little boy's use of language he sends him to the principal. When the principal hears of the foul language he's so ashamed he calls the police. The police can't believe the little boy said such a bad word, they think he deserves to go to court. The court dates are set up. When the Judge hears of the hate words he can think of no other worthy punishment except prison until he turns 21. After the kid is let out he heads for the bar across town where all the ex-prisoners go. He orders up a drink, bartender asks "What'd you do?". The kid explains the curse to the bartender. The barkeep becomes so upset that he kicks the kid out of the bar. While crossing the street to go to another bar he gets hit by a truck. Whats the moral of the story? Look both ways before crossing the street....

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whats the best thing about polio...death

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Why did Jimmy cross the road? Because a chicken was about to cross the road, and he wanted to be kind and help the old 72-aged chicken get across the road. Because Jimmy had a grandfather that passed away because he was too old and nobody helped him cross the road. Jimmy is haunted by that memory and doesn't want that to happen to anyone else. Especially a chicken.... Also there were no cars and his best friend chicken was on the other side waiting for him.

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Why did the african jump in the swimming pool? Because it was a really hot day and he wanted to cool down

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Q: What did the farmer say when he coudn't find his tractor? A: "where's my tractor?"

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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A guy walks into a bar, and then is hit with the full force of all the things he never did in life, of how he wasted his younger years chasing a bigger paycheck rather than trying to live life, and all the love he wasted on people who didn't care about him. He begins to cry as his first drink arrives, and orders many more as the night passes. He loses his keys as he leaves and stumbles home in a drunken stupor, contemplating suicide.

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Two men are walking in a forest And they find this deep whole, so they spit in it to see how deep it but they here nothing So they throw a rock in and still hear nothing Them they find this old tramission and throw that in. A couple second later the goat comes running by and jumps in the whole A couple minutes pass and an old farmer walks up and asks if they had seen his goat and they replied" yea it just ran and jumped into that whole. The farmer says "that's weird considering I had him tied up to an old tramission

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a woman came back from a long vacation, one of her male employes noticed that her breast were much larger, "wow, did you get a boob job?" he asked. she replied "no i have breast cancer"

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how many jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? none their all dead.

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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What rhymes with shuck and starts with an f flamethrower

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Why did the african man wear no clothes? Because he liked being naked.

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Whats worse than finding a spider in your shower? Getting repeatedly stabbed in the dick by a rapid chipmunk.

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Two guys walk into a bat, they have a couple drinks then go home, one crashed and died in a horrible drunk driving accident. The other, who took a cab, went home and viciously beat his wife.

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James: They say attitudes are contagious. Bill: How do you know? James: My whole family caught it and they will all die within 2 weeks.

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Wanna hear a joke? Justin bieber

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Want to hear the funniest joke in the world? I forget how it goes but it ends with the abolishment of slavery.

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I wonder if God looks at the Earth all these years later and thinks, Man, I really went overboard with the water, didn't I?

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what do you think when you see someone throw a man with no arms and legs into the ocean? chances of survival are minimal

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Why Couldn't the pirates see the movie? Because the mall strictly enforced local curfew laws ; and one of the pirates was unable to provide a valid form of identification.

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if quizzes are quizzical, arent tests testical?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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