What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Q: What happened to the blonde who tried to commit suicide? A: She died.

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What do a black man and an apple have in common? They are both carbon based life forms.

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what happened to the boy who crossed the street. he got shot by a bus

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What's worse than finding a worm in your Apple? Ebola

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What's yellow, long, hard, and moves up and down? A banana in an elevator...

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Why did the Mexican jump the fence? Because he didn't feel like walking around the house to the side where the gate was to get out of the backyard

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Milkman! Milkman who? ....Timmy....I've been coming here for FOURTEEN YEARS! AND YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME?!?! I drove your mom to the hospital when you were born since your father is such a deadbeat. I helped pick out your name!! I'm sorry I wasn't born into wealth like you. I'm sorry I have to go door to door handing out milk for other people! I have been coming here every week for FOURTEEN YEARS! But no Timmy, no, don't try to remember my name. Just forget about all the laughs we have had. Or that time i left my family on Christmas because your mother needed me to go find you that Turbo man doll. I saved you from a burning vehicle! I helped you win your third grade science fair! Remember? I have a picture of us and that robot right here in my wallet. I show it to people all the time! Here's me and my...my pal Timmy. Well Timmy, this is it. You shan't see me again.

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Why did the baboon fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died.

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Why did the man jump off a cliff? Because he was committing suicide.

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Why did the black surgeon get fired? The hospital was low on funds due to the economic crisis, and had to let a few employees go.

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A midget walks under a bar

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How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.

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What did the pimp do to his bitch? He thanked her and rewarded her for her years of dedication and preserverance

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting ran over by a truck.

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Why cant steve get a job? Because Steve Jobs is DEAD! Moral: And people are all like "you gotta respect the dead", uh... Why not respect people while they are alive? Humanity is so fucking "smart" sometimes ya? Not that your answer matters...

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why did the black boy read a book. Because he had a book report due next week

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what's the difference between a male and female skeleton? The jaw bone structure

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Why did the kid fail? He procrastinated.

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How do you stop your child from picking his nose? Cut his hands off

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What did Einstein say to the blonde? 'What specific part of the theory don't you understand?'

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I used to tell people: step on my foot on purpose and ill FUCKlNG BREAK YOURS! Then I Evolved.. friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Thumb me down or step on my foot if only on mistake, and I will break off both your legs and ram them up your ASS!

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How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Because Goofy can walk on two legs, and is therefore superior to Pluto in Walt Disney's eyes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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