An apple a day keeps a check next to the "I ate an apple today" box on my "what I did today" daily checklist.

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Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?? Theres one less drunk.

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Women's rights

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What's black and red all over? Half a cat

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What has feet but cannot walk? What has a beak but cannot peck? What has wings but cannot fly? A dead bird.

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because while he was swinging, his friends dared him to jump off and called him a chicken when he didn't. Still hesitant, he tried to jump off, but his arm caught on the swing chain and he fell face first into the tanbark. He needs reconstructive surgery to repair his face.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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whats brown and sticky? shit

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Why did the mother tell her son to get a job. She was tired of buying Generic brand food.

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What did the car do? CRASH!

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Q:What do you get when you mix a tiger and a panda? A:nothing, its impossible

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Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To see if it could.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? I t was dead. Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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Why wasn't the black guy allowed into the bar? Because the bar was closed.

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A Christian asks God why there is so much pain and suffering in the world. Everyone around him moves away from the grown man talking to his imaginary friend.

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i once thought i could do crytal meth but then i thought naw better not

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Knock knock. Who's there? Shut up.

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poop is very very yummy.

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you

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A man finds a mysterious lamp on the side of the road. He picks it up, rubs it, and sells the lamp at a pawn shop for $10,000. The man paid off his credit card debt and was happy that he did not have to file for bankruptcy.

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My friend asks me what my mom does for a living and i told him that she is a nurse. Then he says "That a good job because she is able to save lives". I quickly reply "She works in an abortion clinic".

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Whats green and turns red at the push of a button A frog in a blender

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You know what's funny? Lot's of things.

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A baby seal walks into a club

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops