Your momma's so fat that she has a body fat percentage of 37 and is clinically overweight.

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This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done

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A Boy Walks Up To A Frog At the Bus Stop And Says, “Why Are You So Upset?” And The Frog Replied, “I’m Waiting For The Bus Because My Car Just Got TOAD!”

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An asian, mexican, and a black guy walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "get the hell out"

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know where I am, I'm blind.

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Why was Steve hungry? Because the last time he ate was yesterday.

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Why was Adam sad? His wife found him cheating with several women which led to a lengthy and messy divorce and him losing custody of his two children and his house.

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hey i just met you.... and this might just sound crazy but i have a bad case of short term memory .....were we talking????

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A Chinese man walks into a bar. With his thick accent, he finds it difficult to order drinks.

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Why did the monkey fall out the tree, He was dead

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what does the homeless man do when he gets home? nothing, he's homeless

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Suzie

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Two penguins are sitting on an ice flow. One says to the other: "hey--you know, it looks like you are wearing a tuxedo." The other one says, "who says I'm not?"

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What do you think JFK would be doing if he was alive today? Yelling for help and trying to somehow escape his coffin.

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How did the girl get hit by a car? Better question, How did the car get in the kitchen?

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Why did the New York Times cancel Otis Redding's subscription? Because he died.

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0 + 0 = 0

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Yo mamas so fat that she decided to get a gastric bypass to help lose the weight.

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A horse walks into a barn.

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There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass This was incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing for him. It also affected his sexual potency and rendered him infertile, Which drastically affected his ability to enter and sustain relationships with women.

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Knock knock. Who's there. Alex. Alex who? Your brother Alex. Oh, please come in.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time is irrelevant in this scenario because if this question is based in the United States it is highly unlikely an elephant will be near a fence you own, let alone sit on it, an activity rarely done by elephants and usually projected by humans onto other animals.

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why dont we just take bikini bottom and push it somewhere else

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What is invisible and smells like carrots? The smell of Carrots. Pretty sure you can't see smells.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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