What's small, cold, and lifeless? A dead baby.

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You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't eat your friends Nose it is!

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Two tubes of ice cream are sitting in a freezer, one turns to the other and says "its bloody freezing in here" God then corrects this apparent mistake in the combined laws of physics and biology

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Whats easier to fit in a trunk, babies or concrete bricks? Babies because you can hit them with a pitchfork.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nofin Eejit.

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Teacher: "What is the outside layer on a tree?" Dog: "Bark" Teacher: "How would you describe the desert surface?" Dog: "Rough" Teacher: "Would you say that Abraham Lincoln was an intelligent man?" Dog: "Yarp"

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your mamas so fat her weight is 3.14 without the decimal

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Why cant helen keller drive Because shes a woman

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Q: What do you call a black person with one leg? A: In modern American society, it is proper etiquette to adress somebody by their first name.

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How are Steve Jobs and The iPhone the same? They got progressively thinner over time.

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What did the blind boy get for Christmas? The same toys from last year.

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Roses are red. My name is dave. This poem makes no sense. Microwave.

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Shit!

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Knock knock. Who's there. Alex. Alex who? Your brother Alex. Oh, please come in.

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What did the retarded asian dolphin eat for breakfast? A big bowl of shit

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed Nothing it is a sentient object and doesn't have the capability to talk

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womens rights to vote

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Diseases show if a prerson lacks vitamins and minerals.

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What does a snake and a dog have in common? They are both reptiles but except the dog.

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? usually one new yorker.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say orange? Well, you shouldn't be. I came to inform you your entire family died in a car crash.

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Why did the soviet plane crash? It was joseph Stallin

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so 3 guys walk into a bar.....the 4th one ducks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops