How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Regardless of the number of dead babies present, painting a house will require at least one living baby.

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Magic is another word for "poorly perceived analysis of the mechanics of this complex instrumentality we call optical illusion."

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What's white and sticky? Glue.

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what did batman say to robin before getting into the car? get in the car.

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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knock knock whos there not me

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A black walks into a Kentucky Fried Chicken. He was a customer.

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Yo momma's so ugly, she decided to get plastic surgery and now has much higher self-esteem.

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Why did nick and tyler visit anti-joke.com? Because they have nothing better to do.

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Miss Polly had a Dolly who was sick sick sick So she called for the Doctor to come quick quick quick The doctor came with his bag and his hat And he knocked on the door with a rat-tat-tat. He looked at Polly's Dolly and he shook his head. He said she had leprosy and must have all her limbs amputated.

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Q. Why can’t a teacher lift weights? A. Because, most teachers are women and most women do not enjoy It.

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Whats the difference between a ham sandwich and a dead baby sandwich? I don't stomp on my ham sadnwiches with cleats before I eat them.

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Justin Littleton's mom accidentally texting him about buying weed, and then offering to buy him ice cream to make up for it.

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Why are you going to thumbs this joke up? Because I use the words "Chuck Norris" Thus making it impossible to not thumbs up.

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Why i Hate people. They are alive. The are breathing. The are near me.

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Two men and a woman walk into a bar. They are all viciously murdered by a serial killer, who as he walks out, runs into a pole and suffers from a concussion, which he later dies from.

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How do you make a clown cry? Kill his wife and kids.

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What's brown, liquid and bad for your health in large doses? Did you guess: Coca Cola? Soda? Beer? Pepsi? Wrong. It's beer. Did this Anti-joke sound pretentious? Don't worry, you're not the only one.

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Hello penis

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This is my firstever post so I wanted to make it very specialand have it really mean something, then I though fark that for a joke

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the dead monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer-pressure.

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My doctor recommended I take anger management classes. That really pisses me off.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody, because first, pineapples are too small to fit in, and second, you would drown.

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rihno? Rihno-elephant

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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