A blonde woman walked into a bar. She ordered a scotch.

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Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

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A child walk's into a bar. And gets sexually abused.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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A ginger was with his friends

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A: Who are you? B: A random guy who walked into your house A: Oh sorry, I keep forgetting your name.

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when your cable is on the fritz, you play video games instead. when you play video games, you get good. when you get good, you go to COD XP. when you go to COD XP, you lose to whiteboy 7th st. when you lose to whiteboy 7th st., you get into Skyrim. when you get into skyrim, you reenact cut scenes from skyrim. and when you reenact cut scenes from skyrim... ...you take an arrow to the knee... ...don't take an arrow to the knee. Get rid of cable.

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What did one hostage say to the other hostage? Hrmfhrmfphmfr

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What do you call a man who buys flowers, chocolates, and new jewelry for his wife? A kind, considerate husband.

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a woman came back from a long vacation, one of her male employes noticed that her breast were much larger, "wow, did you get a boob job?" he asked. she replied "no i have breast cancer"

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Why did Miley Cyrus have to buy a new tour bus? The old one stopped twerking.

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Jesus said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But, John came fifth and won a toaster.

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What's the difference between a McDonald's and Michael Jackson? One is a fast FOOD restaurant, while the other likes having sex with little boys.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was the World Chicken Road Crossing Competition.

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whats worse than being ugly? being aivy.

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How do u catch a polar bear u cut a hole in the ice put peas around the hole and when the bear comes to take a pea u kick it in the ice hole

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names! *ba dum chzz*

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Roses are red Violets are twisted bend over now your about to get fisted

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Row row row your boat Right to KFC Put some kool-aid in your cup And toast to you and me

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Dani barton= lovely

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How do you get a dog off of your roof? Shoot it.

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A large man goes into a restaurant and places his order The waiter asks if he would like the weight watchers menu He says no because he doesnt care about his weight

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How do you kill 23 kids? You put 24 kids in an arena.

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What did the Priest say to the Rabbi? Nothing. The Priest was mute and the Rabbi was deaf.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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