Hey! Where is my tracker?

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Q: What did the Kool-Aid Man say when he crashed through a wall? A: "OW! That hurt!"

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Why black guys are the fasttest runners? Because the slowers are already in prison

thumb_up thumb_down +71

What happened when Aladdin rubbed his lamp? It got slightly cleaner.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Why did the plane crash? -Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing? R: Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Why do policemen wear belts? To hold up their pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

A horse walks into a bar the bar tender says hey you cant be in here you are a horse so the horse leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

When you're climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter, you may want to see what happened, and then promptly clean up the mess so one one slips.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

No I do not think that, that would be a wasted thought.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

How do you burn a lot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Usually, the bad (anti) jokes are the ones that don't make you laugh. Sometimes you laugh "with" the joke, other times, you laugh at the joke itself because it is a paragon for human failure. The jokes on this website are not exempt from that rigid stipulation. However, it should be noted that all the "jokes" on this particular website are actually hilarious because of the latter reason delineated in the above paragraph. Additionally, this joke was created by a machine and thus the originator of this work is by no means able to learn from the process of trial and error and therfore can make myriad unfunny jokes without compromise.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Why couldn't little Sally talk? Someone stapled her tongue to wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What is quite heavy and if it falls off a tree and hits you in your head you die? A sheets packet

thumb_up thumb_down +45

penis hehehehe

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What do you call a gay black man driving off a cliff? A fine example of the dangers of drink driving.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

The Irish man was sober.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

whats worse than vegetables? Fisting Grandmas

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Heat oven to 375°. Grease 18 regular-size muffin cups (or 12 large size muffins). In bowl, mix butter until creamy. ... Add eggs one at a time, beating after each. Beat in vanilla, baking powder and salt. With spoon, fold in half of flour then half of milk into batter; repeat. Fold in blueberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Your mama is so fat, her gravitational field varies with distance cubed!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the man throw his watch out the window? Because it was broken.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Women.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops