What did Helen Keller say to a stranger at a party? I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree, wrote several books, traveled to over 39 countries, and was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, one of the United States' highest two civilian honors, from President Lyndon B. Johnson.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why do people read Bibles? To learn about God.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's 1+1 2, dumbass...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What percentage of her brain does Sarah Palin use? 100%. That humans use only 10 or 30% of their brains is a myth.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Two Jewish kids walked into a bar... mitzvot.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did Sally fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats worse than being raped? Being raped and murdered.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Polite say "Hey you, get out of that tree."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What would you do for a Klondike bar? I'd probably pay in cash.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his brother im dying of leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Do Minnesotans have accents? Oh ya, you betchya.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

roses are red violets are blue i have a penis get in the bed

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How does Stevie Wonder pick up girls? He doesnt, he has someone do it for him

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the podiatrist say to the proctologist? That athletes foot fungus is clearing up nicely.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

There was once a simple man. His life was far from what could be described as extravagant, living alone in a dingy apartment full of leaking taps and insects and lacking a working refrigerator. He wasn't an ungrateful man but he often wondered why life was cruel to him and prayed every night for something magical to happen, whether it be a brand new life, or even something simple like a new fridge. One fateful late afternoon as he staggered along the dim backstreet, partially crippled and pained from his standard day of labour, he came across a brass lamp just laying in the street. Glancing around, the man bent down to pick it up, knowing very well the story of the genie in the lamp having just watched Aladdin the previous night. Peering into its dull surface, he saw eyes staring back at him, eyes he didn't recognise. Anxiously, he ran his hands over the surface of the lamp, feeling the coolness of the metal on his rough blistered hands. But nothing happened! Disappointed but desperate for his dreams to be fulfilled, the man frantically shook the lamp, tears streaming down his face, wonder how life could be so cruel. Then a fridge fell out of the lamp and crushed him and he died the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A dog and a bird are sitting in the front yard of a small suburban community. The bird turns to the dog and says nothing, because birds lack the ability to speak. The dog then reaches down and slowly consumes the bird before returning to his house.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

so one day i was getting my daughter artemisia ready for school and so i came in her room and got her pants and so i put it on and then i said did you grow during the summer really did you and then she said daddy both of my feet are stuck on one side of the leg

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was Ray Charles always smiling? He was Happy

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the samurai commit Sepuku? Because it is an honorable Japanese tradition.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Two muffins are in an oven. It was a really small batch.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what did the boy with no arms, no legs, and cancer get for easter AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +1

So an Indian walks into a bar and says: ? ?? ??? ?????? ??? ??? ? ??? ??? ??????

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you kill a fashion icon? First make sure their blonde and stupid like most. then take a barstool preferably or what ever is closest then........ WACK HER IN THE EMPTY SPOT WHERE HER BRAIN SHOULD BE.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops