Why did the tree catch on fire? A phinix hit it!

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Q: What do you call a hobo asking for change? A: Get off my driveway!

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What did the teacher say to the student? Get in the closet

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knock knock who's there police

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There's a pair of siamese twins.....One of them's gay.

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An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

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Why was 97 afraid of 98? Because 98,99, 100!

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Q: What's worse than being forced to eat your veggies? A: Being forced to kill your parents with a carrot.

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The mailman saw little Johnny sitting on the side of the street with an old coffee can Mailman: What do you have in that can there? Johnny: dog shit Mailman: what the fuck

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So i can type anything in this box and it shows up on the website?

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Why did the Mexican go to the food marke To get some food.

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face.

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Where is Madeline McCann? 6 Feet under....

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Weiner

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How do you fit 45 Jews into a car? 5 in the car 40 in the ashtray.

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Hellen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it ERRMMMMM UAHHHHHHHH...

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;aosughdfo

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Society has given up on chairs that spin.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was making a suicide attempt.

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where do you get virgin wool from? ugly sheep.

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The Cubs are going to win the world series this year

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How many cows does it take to put in a lightbulb? Well, you see, it depends how many cows it takes to put in a lightbulb.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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