A patient walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!" The doctor replies, "I have no interest in whether or not you feel like purchasing items to spruce up your home."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Amy Winehouse has been sober for 2 weeks now.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the clock say? The time.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Three construction workers, an Italian guy, a Mexican guy, and a American guy are sitting on top of a building eating lunch. The Italian is tired of eating meatballs, the Mexican is eating a burrito, and the American is eating a cheeseburger. They are all fed up with eating the same lunch every day. The next day they all jump off the building for unrelated reasons. It is a tragedy and their families mourn the loss.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan? Their last names.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are flowers Violets are flowers

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chickens day off. haha its funny

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the frog fall out the tree it was dead. Why did the second frog fall out the tree it was stapled to the first frog. Why did the third frog fall from to the tree peer pressure. Why did the fourth frog fall from the tree the third frog was his son. Why did the fifth frog fall from the tree he thought it was a game. Why did the sixth frog fall from the tree he shared the same body with the fifth frog

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the muffin say to the oven? Obviously nothing since neither one can talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because its coop was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? Quality control or some other function.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Girl-Does this dress make me look fat? Boy-Hell yea you do, wait, let me speak your language...... Cows go MOOOOO -Ryan V

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's a slang term for a really, really fat person? Overweight.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? To warn people on the other side that the sky was falling Why did the cow cross the road? Cause he had madcow disease Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What the difference between water and water? Nothing, they're both water.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What does shit and fire have in common? Hitler gave both to jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did your mum have sex with my mum? Because they're lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What is blue and has clouds in it? The sky.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What is cold? Winter

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why was the girl angry? She's PMSing. Give her a banana and stay away.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

"Roses are Red" "Violets are Blue" That's what they say, But it isn't true. Violets are violet, Now stop sniffing glue!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the cat say to the dog? - meow!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops