Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? Get in the car

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's worse than missing your favorite TV show? 9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Who was worse than Hitler? Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down +31

skjer;nf;oashfaefaohesf oiqeshLACLAHN IS SUTRP SD] make it shorett and swert

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did elmo jump of the cliff caus he was depresed

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie into in!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's cold and icy? Ice

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's the difference between a white person and a chair? -The chair isn't a complete douche.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Non-believers.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Dave: Say "game" ten times fast Bud: Game, game, game, game, gay ma, gay ma, I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A guy comes to a doctor and says: - Doctor, lately I'm having this dream where I kill my father and rape my mother. What does it mean? - Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call a tree with all of it's branches down? A tree with all of it's branches down.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Santa Claus, "Ho ho ho!" Asain Santa Claus, "Hohohohohohohoho!" Pedophile Santa Claus, "Ho ho ho! Come and sit on my lap children!" Dyslexic Santa Claus, "Oh oh oh! Merry Shitcrams!" Narcopleptic Santa Claus, "Ho ho..." *snores*. Black Santa Claus, well, I wouldn't like the idea of a black fat guy breaking into my house, eating my cookies, drinking my milk, and leaving presents under my tree. Would you?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call putting a toad in the microwave? Animal cruelty.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red Violets are blue I am a cactus and you are a Jew EJ

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Roses are red, Violets are blue, This poem's cool. I ran over your dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because people kept making the same joke about her not having arms so she was hoping the fall would break her neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why couldn't the boy see his sick mother? Because he was blind

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How u know when ur sister have periods... Fathers dig taste like blood

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I saw a man with a hungry look in his eye, like the kind you get from not eating for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops