My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Canada

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Knock Knock Come in, the door's open.

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Smart Blondes

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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One time I went into a haunted house. It was just pretend ghosts but then I saw a real ghost there. It was scary.

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Why didn't the blonde get into college? She was killed in a car accident.

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Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a V, one side is long than the other? Do you know why that is? There are more geese on that side

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Yo mama so fat,we are all very concerned for her health.

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Why do policemen wear belts? To hold up their pants.

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Q:Why did the man get hit by the car? A:He was standing on the road.. ;DDD

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A Jew picked up a penny. He thought his beard matched the guy on the coin.

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What did Sarah Palin say to her daughter on Christmas? Merry Christmas

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What is green and red and spins around? A frog in a blender

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Why did the man fall over? he had a stroke.

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You know what's annoying When you suddenly die of a heart attack

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HAHA SO ONE TIME... The man could not finish his story because he gets shot, and is mourned for years. His daughter was watching it all. She then jumped. And fell. And broke her knee. And then died. yeah

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John:Why couldn't the T-Rex clay his hands? Billy:Because his arms are too small! John:no he's extinct dumbass

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What did dean carmon say to his brother? - I don't know I'm not his brother

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World Peace

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What is Helen Keller's dogs name? She had fish.

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if a kayak was stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes stacked will it take to get to the moon? none because snakes dont have armpits

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What did the kid say when you gave him a cookie? Thank you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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