How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it. How do you make it stop crying? You throw another brick at it.

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Knock knock who is there ? i'm an orphaned, sir can you tell me why did you write who "is" instead of who's ?? because than i will have to use the (') key and its very far not to mention that i have to use the shift key do u want a pizza ? how much ? 50 cents ? get the hell out ? im not even in yet !

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Roses are red violets are red, the grass is red Holy crap! My yard is on fire!

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Q: what would george washington be doing if he were alive right now? A: screaming in his grave

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Why did the man drink water? Because he was thirsty

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What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for his birthday? Broken arms and legs

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Why did the elephant fall into the hot chocolate? It fell off the marshmellow.

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A man is walking down the street when, on the other side, he see's another man, with what appears to be an orange for a head. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approaches and enquires: "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you have you have an orange for a head..." "That's right" says the man with an orange for a head. "I met a magical genie one day who granted me three wishes..." "Amazing" says the first man, "Please continue". "Well, for my first wish, I wished I was incredibly rich, and that every day, I woke up in a four-poster bed full of used bank notes, and a statement with twenty zeros". "Did that happen?" askes the first man. "It did indeed", replies the man with an orange for a head. "I'm probably the richest man in the world". "Amazing!" replies the first man. "What did you wish for next?" "For my second wish, I wished to be incredibly attractive to women, and that every day, in my four poster bed full of money, when I awoke, there would be three of the most beautiful, naked women imaginable." "Wow! Did THAT happen?" "Of course! To be honest though, that gets a bit of a bind - walking around is a bit difficult these days, in fact, I'm on my way to pick up some cream." "No way, that's amazing!" says the first man. "What was your third wish?" "Well..." replies the man with an orange for a head, "For my third wish, I wished I had an orange for a head."

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Roses are red. I had no clue. I like pie. So screw you.

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Today, we will be identifying power tools. This is not a drill.

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My Bologna has a first name, it's Tim.

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yo mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the size of the door...

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Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers have no feelings.

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Poopsack Jones

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People are like cats, they both die when they're suffocated

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What do you call a helicopter above Hawaii? A helicopter.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Jeff" "Jeff who?" "Jeff Johnson" "From the office?" "No I work at the dehli" "The one on 6th avenue?" "No, the one on Park." "What do you want?" "Could you open the door?" "No, I don't know you" "Isn't this Mr. Walter's house?" "No, my name is Roger Stevens" "I'm sorry I must be at the wrong house" "What address are you looking for?" "15322 N Gary street" "This is 15323 N Gary" "Oh I'm sorry" "Try knocking across the street" "Thank you"

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What's worse than hearing another Holocaust anti-joke? The Holocaust.

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why couldnt helen keller drive? because shes a woman.

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A) why did the black guy leave the bar B) cause he was tired and wanted to go home

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how do you kill an African baby ? put it in the microwave for roughly 45 minutes

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"Why is Barney green and purple?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way."

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A man, a woman, and their son were happily going out for a nice family dinner. The family they ate wasn't so happy.

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why did the old woman die? Because she was too old to live

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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