Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A women gets a call saying her only daughter is trapped inside a burning building. She runs as fast as she can too her car before she realizes... women can't drive due to their role in society.

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What are the things that define you? The things that define you.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blood is red also Nothing else is blue

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Q: What's worse than burning your tongue on hot chocolate. A: Getting shanked by a homeless man

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Lets make like trees and stand still

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i would like to know if the rumors about the moon being made out of chees is true because nobody told me it was CC

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? You set her on fire.

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What is worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 1 dead baby in 10 trash cans

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What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? ...an owl with a bungee cord.

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The neighbours challenged me to a water fight so I am updating Anti jokes while i let the kettle boil.

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Why is Justin beaber so white? Because his mother and father both are.

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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What iz stupid? Hibiyav

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austins gay lolololol

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We're out of mustard, so in your sandwich I used some yellow liquid dripping from a dying rhinoceros.

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What has nine arms and sucks? An appendage-rich octopus with an inhaling habit.

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Whats worse than your camera not working? getting hit by a fridge during the Holocaust

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YOLO

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Friend: I said pass the juice, not gas the jews! Hitler: Oh.

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girls are a lot like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

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guns don't kill people. casey anthoney kills people.

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What is the way to a woman's heart? Through her chest cavity.

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Situation: A bear is cutting a sunflower's hair Question: How many kangaroos does it take to do surgery on a meatball? Answer: Tomato. Because zebras eat twelve kiwis in a factory every February 29th.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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