I love my new microwave. It comes with a list that tells just how long to cook things. Now i know how long to cook a baby for

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas? Mittens

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A shark walks into a bar and the bartender says Why the bloody face? The shark replies by saying my wife beat me with a stick. Considering that sharks cant talk, the bartender ends up going to the doctor to see if he may be dillousinal.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What band protects hope in current music? Nickelback.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

If a dyslexic man walks into a bar, check your notes. You told the joke wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. No, the Holocaust never happened, you're an idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Roses are Red Violets are Blue It is Valentines Day So I had to get them for you or we would get into a big fight, which will end up with me on the couch.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

GUYS! I GOT AN A IN MY PIANO EXAM!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What time did the tennis start? Tennish

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Whats purple and fluffy? Purple Fluff

thumb_up thumb_down -62

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a beagle? An abomination.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Whats better than winning gold at the special olympics? Not being retarded

thumb_up thumb_down -108

How did Little Jimmie leave school? In a body bag.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Boy: Is your body from McDonalds ? Girl: Aww is it because your lovin' it? Boy: No, it's because your greasy and fat!

thumb_up thumb_down +67

How do you get a blonde to drown herself? Isolate her in an aqueous environment

thumb_up thumb_down +63

What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas. A pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

A blonde's house is on fire so she calls the fire department and they ask her how to get there. She gives them the address, but they hear her wrong and she dies a horrible fiery death.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

In Soviet Russia, you shit on bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Why did Jill fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why didn't Jill get up? She had no legs. Why didn't anyone help Jill up? She had no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Why did the chicken cross the road? To kill a hooker and get his money back.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What's invisible and smells like carrots? Carrots! ... well if they were invisible..

thumb_up thumb_down +49

If Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Probably both plant life, sea-based creatures, and land-based animals. However, depending on the personal preference of the person, they can also be a vegetarian or not. They could also be cannibals, but the literal definition of humanitarian would go against any cannibalistic traditions due to the fact that humanitarians help others for the benefit of humanity as a whole, eating people would go against such beliefs.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops