Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

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How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas? Jewish people do not celebrate Christmas, for Christmas is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ, celebrated generally on December as a religious and cultural holiday by billions of people around the world. A feast central to the Christian liturgical year, it closes the Advent season and initiates the twelve days of Christmastide. Christmas is a civil holiday in many of the world's nations, is celebrated by an increasing number of people, and is an integral part of the Christmas and holiday season.

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how do you kill jesus? with a knife

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What's one thing a black man can't have? White skin

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What happened when the princess kissed the frog? She died, the frog was highly toxic.

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2 gingers went to a pumpkin patch... And nobody ever found them( life lesson, don't take your ginger to a pumpkin patch)

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What is the most effective abstinence plan? There is none.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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what do you call four black people in a red sleeping bag? -a very snug sleeping bag as they can rarely fit more then one person comfortably

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Black people are clen.

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Three black men walk into a store at 2:00 in the morning, what happens next? They buy some snacks and leave.

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And then the devil said "Let there be Justin beiber"

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What happened to the jew? He got shoved in an oven.

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"This is not a drill!" - guy holding a hammer

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What did the white man hand to the mexican? His college degree because the mexican had completed all four years of college with a 4.0 GPA.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy but get in the van

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whats the difference between a battery and a charger

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yo mama so fat, she wheres glasses to see better!

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How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Last night I had consensual sex with my long term girlfriend in the missionary position. It lasted approximately 4 minutes before I ejaculated into the durex extra safe condom.

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What happens when you are caught in the serious offense of killing somebody with intent? You get in trouble.

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there where 3 guys at a magic pool. if you jump in and say anything it appears in the pool. the first guy runs, jumps and says money!! he gets a bunch of money. the second guy runs, jumps and says gold!! he gets a bunch of gold. the third guy runs, slips says SHIT!!!! and lands in the pool.

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Q:why did the woman make a sandwitch. A: cause she is a woman

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R2-D2 is quite possibly the most vulgar character on the set of Star Wars. Every word he says is bleeped out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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