A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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What's blue and smells like pee? Pee, I lied about the color

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What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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Whats the difference between a watermelon and a black person? Ones fun to hit with a baseball bat, and ones a watermelon.

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What's funny about being adopted? Your parents never loved you

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Two men sit down at a bar. First man: I hear you're having a baby! Second man: My wife had a miscarriage. First man: Oh.... The talking ceased

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I was purple once. I took a shower later that day.

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why couldn't the blonde change the light bulb? because he chose the wrong sized screwdriver from his tool box

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Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To retrieve his dead relatives in the middle of the street.

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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How do you make a baby eat his food? Make one first

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Why did johnny fall down? He got hit in the head with a brick

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Why did Tommy cry? His tear glands emptied out of his eyes

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There was a man who bought a cat. He fed it well. It got so fat.

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Q: Why was Seven afraid of Eight? A: He was octophobic.

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What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

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yo mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the size of the door...

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What do you call a man with short legs? Whatever his name is

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Q: What's the similarity between puzzles and women? A: Prior to the 1920's neither had the right to vote.

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what does a nazi and the witch from hansel and gretal have in common, they both put people in ovens.

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A man in a bar says "I'm drunk", immediately 10 men take of their clothes

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Do you know what's funnier than 24? 25

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F U C K Y O U W I T H Y O U R A N T I J O K E S

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A mushroom walks into a crowded bar, the bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." Protestingly, the mushroom replies, "why not? I am a spore reproducing eukaryote!" Everyone stares as an awkward silence ensues.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops