Why did Helen Kellers dog run away? You would too if your name was Hjshdvcyehbretafvvba.

What did Steven Hawking say to God after he died? Nothing. He can't talk.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

What did the Muslim do after his friend told him a funny joke ? Laugh.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The priest is a former alcoholic, and has the strength to turn around and leave.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To mourn the loss of his daughter who died due a fatal car crash, caused by him while he was driving. across the street

A mute says to a paraplegic: You can talk the talk - but can you walk the walk?

Why doesn't Superman eat peanuts? He doesn't like them

What did Bill go for his birthday? No where someone slashed his tires.

You: I have a really funny Knock Knock joke but you have to start it. Someone Else: Okay, Knock Knock You: Who's there? (now watch their face as they become confused)

What does Lady Gaga call Hitler? Nothing special because she doesn't refer to him in everyday's speech.

When was Timothy born? He wasn't.

What's the deal with airline food? It's nourishing matter that sustains life, provides energy, and promotes growth distributed by flight attendants.

Once you go black you may be more open to dating a second black person.

A blond walked into a bar. A guy picked her up and then they had sex.

what is fat and ugly. fat and ugly people

Roses are red Violets r blue My name is Dave Microwave

A squirrel got killed by getting hit by a truck haha its funny cuz the squirrel died

What did the black man say to the other black man? Nothing, he was recently involved in a terrible car accident which he barely survived but lost the function of speech and was paralysed from the neck downwards. He is constantly in pain and desperately wants someone to kill him but has no way of communicating this so is forced to wait until his natural death.

Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAA

A man walks into a bar, then he realized he didn't have any money, so he walked out.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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