What happens when you mix 3 pounds of baking soda, 2 dozen cans of Mr. Pibb cola, and a live tortoise? It makes a terrible mess and your wife gets upset at you for getting the house so dirty. She refuses to clean it up.

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Your mama's so fat her patronus is a cake

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey I just met you

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Amputations.

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What is a girl with one leg called ( iliene )

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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2 blonds are driving on the road on their way to Disney Land. They come to the sign that says Disney Land left so they started crying, turned around and went home.

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Q: Whatcha doin?? A:Ur mom. . .

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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whats the difference between a dog and a cat? ones a dog.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? where's my tractor?

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what do you call a dead baby in a blender? child abuse

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An English man, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They each buy a pint and talk about their day.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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What do you call a cool pig? SPIDER-PIG!!!

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What did the alcoholic do when he finished his beer? Opened another one.

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Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because she had been forcibly removed from her place of food preparation by a large angry mob of her neighbours who thought she was a wtitch and were now going to burn at the stake. It is Salem, november 1643.

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What do you get when you cross a cat with a log? I think the better question is why are you mixing those two things together?

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Sea World Japan.

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why didnt the deaf man laugh? he was also mute

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What does AIDS stand for? Acquired immune deficiency syndrome

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How do you wake Lady Gaga up? Poker face

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Who is Red and White and comes on Christmas? A Russian Candy Cane

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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