How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

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A guy walks into a bar. But this was a bar like a pole, so the man ended up with a broken nose.

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A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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How do you confuse your algebra teacher? Tell her to prove that she exists.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Faces like yours belong in the zoo But dont worrie ill be there Not in a cage But laughing at you

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Three drunk llamas wearing sombreros are walking down the street. They walk in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

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How many rats does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. But they have to be really small.

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I once was told that life is like a box of chocolates, but then realized that it wasn't

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What do you call a Mexican kicking a ball? A soccer player

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Why aren't there Olympics in Mexico? Idk Because everyone that can run jump or swim are already across the boarder.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane. A pilot.

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what's black and white and red all over? a zebra in a blender

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Q: What did the crippled deaf kid get for Christmas? A: A motorised wheelchair and a cochlear implant. Good for him.

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Why did the bus drive off the cliff? It's driver happened to be a tomato.

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Whats green and miss centowski hates a gas chamber :D lets be friends

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Why did the Egyptian woman not manage to work the washing machine? The instructions were in English.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple Finding 2 worms in your apple

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Why did the woman come out of the kitchen? She didn't.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape his burning car wreck.

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My mom told me and my brother to lean up on a commercial...we were watching netflix

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? His mother threw a brick at him.

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Michael Jackson and Barack Obama talked to each other about oreos

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops