Boy: "But I don't wanna visit Grandma!" Mother: "Shut up and keep digging."

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Think of a number 1-10 Now add 39 Divide that by 20 Subtract two Now close your eyes.. Dark isn't it?

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but his stomach was not big enough to finish. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free meal.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because, it realized that it was worth something in life, it had a meaning, a purpose, and a right to freedom, to go where it pleased. The chicken's first act of this freedom was to go across the street.

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A man walks into a bar with his dog. He orders 14 shots and proceeds to drink. For each shot he takes, he feeds one to his dog, who accepts it willingly. The bartender says "Well I've never seen anything stranger. Why did you order 14 shots, and why are you giving half to your dog." "Well," says the man, "my 14 year old dog was diagnosed with a fatal heart condition. I cannot afford to put him down, so the shots should kill him." The dog then dies.

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A princess kisses a frog to acquire a prince. Then gets arrested for beastiality.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from ebola

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A dog was dying on the side of the road. I drove 50 meters ahead and saw it again. I was on shrooms.

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When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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Violets are blue and/or violet Roses are red so's my blood, see?

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A pregnant woman walks into a bar and miscarries.

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Knock knock. Who's there? You. You who? That's the joke.

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What is green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? An elephant I lied!

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What's worst that cancer? Murder porn

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Gay people: "Quit calling Justin Bieber gay, we don't want him either."

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What's the difference between an airplane and a cantaloupe? What? Wow your a dumby head.

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An elephant walks into a bar. Several people are trampled.

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Roses are Red And sometimes yellow My mother is mellow I have terminal cancer. I also fisted my grandpa's anus last night

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A priest, a rabbi, and a muslim cleric walk into a bar. In Syria. Dead children.

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What tastes worse than dog shit? White dog shit.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Well, it all depends on the size of the bathtub.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops