What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

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What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas ? A treadmill

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See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

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How many Ringmasters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They tell the clowns to do it

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What did the fat man say to everyone? Hey everyone! I am i fat man!

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What is worse than getting a cold ? Finding a dead baby in your mailbox

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When a fat lady walks by what do u think? R u fat or pregnant

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I like my coffee like i like my women, blonde with big boobs.

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A man walks into a bar not a duck though

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How do you kill a baby swinging on a rope attached to a pole at 40 miles an hour? Hit it with a shovel.

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Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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The good part of "Age" of Ultron? THANOS REIGNS! Disagree? Just leave the green thumb and fuck off!

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Two muffins are sitting in a oven, The other muffin says to the other muffin nothing, Because muffins are unable of human conversation.

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How many mathematicians does it take to count?

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womens rights

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Hey how is your wife and my kids

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Knock Knock Who's there A girl scout want to buy some cookies to raise money for my cardiac surgery?

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I like touching my boobs

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What happens when you rub two penises together? Gay sex.

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Sorry babe, even if I was I would not tell you, the entire place is surrounded, but within enough of a distance, so we will plant a nice setup around the green shack so everyone assumes his deal was some solo operation, if someone else is heading at his direction now, you are gonna get busted, so you better stay down.

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What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat? His wheelchair.

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What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

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Your momma's so fat: She feels uncomfortable in public due to current trends in ideal body shape and aesthetics of beauty.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, I have a retinal hemorrhage

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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