A praying mantis is very graceful

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How do you make a firefighter happy? Give him a blowjob and 10 million dollars.

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Women's rights

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If you walked into a grocery store right in the middle of Cuba what won't you see? The missing Malaysian MH370 Boeing.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Mexican and an American are on a plane. It crashes due to an oversight concerning its weight limit, killing all of its passengers.

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a one fingered leper was sitting one day on the beach playing cards. When a stranger asked to play,hide and go seak. well the oner finger leper licked his invisible finger and said "which ways the winds blowing pete. .-poot-

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When someone calls me ugly, I run up and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

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Nothing. He made it home safely.

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Man 1: Not to be gay or anything, but I really like your shirt, it looks nice on you. Man 2: Not to be gay or anything, but I like men.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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What do you call postman pat without a job? Pat.

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Q: Why is grass green? A: I painted it.

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What did the duck say to the other duck? Something, But us humans don't speak there language to understand

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Roses are black. Violets black. Guns are black. My van is black.

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Jim has five apples. He gives two apples to Joe. What is left? Fruit

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Q: How do you shoot blue flames from your hands? A: You start to duck and lean forward quickly before you fully reach to duck as you punch as hard as you can, a blue flame should come out as Japanese bullshit automatically spews out of your mouth. It should not take more than a try or two...

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Knock Knock Who's there? 9/11

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I supported my sisters decision to get an abortion. Still would have been cool to be a dad :/

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Why did the lorry cross the road? It was swerving to avoid a small child. Unfortunately the driver's reactions were too slow and he hit the kid. After a week fighting for their life in hospital the child fibaly died. There wasn't a scratch on the lorry though.

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Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? That boy that dropped a perfectly good ice cream cone from a road accident involving a bus due to lack of road safety awareness Oh yeah, and I guess the fact that he probably died or was injured for life is pretty bad too

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What did david give back? Nothing.

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What did the Asian say after he had a nightmare? Nothing his nightmare was actually reality and a dishwasher fell on him and killed him.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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