Whats the easiest way to get a dumb blond to have sex with you? rape.

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Why did the man look up into the sky? carrot cake

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Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Have 5 Fingers The Middle One's For You!! :D

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What's worse than a baby on a mattress? A baby under a mattress.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

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You wanna hear a touching story? Once a pon a time you died. The end. (all anti jokes posted by me will be adressed with -blarg)

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How do you get a black man down from a tree? Cut the rope!

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What does a cow do at McDonald's? He is eaten by obese people.

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Why was the boy at the funeral? Because he was dead.

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What do you call an Arabic man flying a plane? A Pilot.

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What have the TV programmes Shameless, The Jeremy Kyle Show and Benidorm all have in common? They are all examples of modern British society

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What's worse than being raped? Not a whole lot-- rape is a very serious mental and emotional strain that will stick with a person for the remainder of their life.

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Girl goes to see a sex therapist. Girl says, "Doc, though this has never been a problem, for the past 3 months I have been unable to reach climax. Can you help me?" Doc says, "Yes.". And after an intense 18 months of therapy the doctor helped the girl to discover that her inability to reach climax was related to issues of childhood sexual abuse. And after another 36 months of therapy the girl finally found the courage to confront and forgive her unrepentant abuser, as she realized that by not forgiving him, it was like drinking poison while hoping that he would die. And though the doctor did help her,as he had said, the girl never regained her ability to reach climax again.

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*Knock knock* I thought no one was home so I left... Turns out my grandma hung herself

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You can teach a man to fish but you cant teach a fish to man

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What's so funny about losing the game? Nothing.

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What happen? Idk...

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man1:did you know hellen keller had a dog? man2: no man1: neither did she

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Why did Sally fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally

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Albert, there is a dead, FLY in your hair.

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yo momma so fat that she needs to lose weight

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how do you stop a gang of black people from raping a white woman? throw a basketball

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Don't worry about giving me your phone number, I'll just follow you home later.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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