A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what did God say on the 7th day? -zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats worse than the Holacaust? Stepping on damn Lego's. MrBounty44

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your mother is so fat, that if she had 8 clones of her, they would probably not be able to stand in the elevator together due to the maximum capacity, and safety hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? It varies. Alzheimer's is a very slow progressing disease, and many people suffering from it are capable of a wide variety of a number of everyday activities.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A horse walks into a bar and the bartendor says "Why the long face?" The horse replies "My wife was just diagnosed with cancer and given only a week to live."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worse than homework? A basket full of mutilated puppies....

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what do you call cheese that's not yours? cheese that you stole.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

who lives a pineapple under the sea? a proper spazztwat.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red Violets are blue Call the cops girl They can't unrape you

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What does a penguins wear on it's feet? Nothing penguins are incapable of wearing foot wear, also they do not have feet they are called 'flippers'.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says "What would you like to drink?" The cat says "Meow."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the therapist say to the other therapist? Your skin looks dry, let me lend you some ointment.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anthony sucks

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a guy with an ax in his chest? An ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the man write with a pen on paper? Because he was writing a novel.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did Rosie drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because its a horse. It then poops on the floor and leaves

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Yo mamma is so dumb, she bought a Wii and was satisfied with her purchase

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Where di mary go during the bombing? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a black elephant? An elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you make your father cry? Poke him in the eye with a shovel, then continue to lower his self esteem with insults.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your momma's so stupid she stuck a power cable up her ass. Shortly after she died

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops