Why can't Helen Keller have sex? She is dead

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Do you know what it looks like when you put a cat in the microwave for 3 minutes? I don't know either because I close my eyes when I masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was probably a cold day.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doc, I blacked out last night and have a sore ass." The doctor took some x-rays and informed him he had colon cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

why did the koala fall out of the tree? because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the difference between a bicycle? An orange because it has no sleeves.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

why was the giraffes head so far away from his body? because he has a long neck

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was the muslim surprised? A tyrannosaurus rex bit off his legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's worse than being eaten by a giant bear? Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a well respected member of the community.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A train conducter conducts goes at 60mph, when he goes under a bridge he goes at 52mph. When he goes over a hill he goes at 47mph. If he goes under 3 bridges and over 6 hills what did the conductors mother eat for dinner that night. Nothing, after many months of suffering she died from Huntington's disease.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the doctor say to the young boy? We only planned on a annual checkup but have discovered that your and aids baby and only have 3 days to live. Tell your family members goodbye you'll be on life support in the next couple hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

knock knock whos there boo boo who? stop crying its only me! its not you, my mom has cancer, my dad was killed in a car accident, my pregnant wife has been murdered, and my uncle touches me.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q) why did jimmy kick the bucket. A) Because his dad is an alcoholic and Beats him to the point of near death, so He takes his anger out by kicking anatomit Objects such as a bucket.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I walked up to my friend who's a drug addict holding a can of coke. I then told said friend that I liked the smell of coke. My friend then went on to snort 27 Kilos of cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock Who's There? The I.R.S.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

how do you save a black person that's drowning? you blow up their lips

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Who is the best person to do your nails with? Nobody, you have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do a turtle and an eagle have in common? They can both fly. Except for the turtle.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops