My girlfriend reckons that a small penis shouldn't affect our sex life. She may be right, but I'd prefer it if she didn't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How did the black man start his car? He turned on the emission and lightly leaned his foot on either the accelerator or reverse pedal, depending on the position of the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's endangered like the Spotted Owl? A Cancer patient.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I heard you like getting dirty, so I got a dump truck to dump dirt on your bed so you can get dirty while you get dirty.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

You know whats worse than an anti-joke? Practically Anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How does he keep getting girls to sleep with him? Bear-traps..

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red Violets are blue The sky is also blue

thumb_up thumb_down +15

why do women rip you off? Because they like money

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Once upon a time there was a man exercising, he pulled a muscle and had to have his heart removed. In other words, don't exercise. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the boy stay in the closet? Because the door was locked.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why'd the aborted fetus cross the road? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why do black people like watermelons so much? They don't. It's just a stereotype.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Thats what she said

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man was walking down the street He was then killed in a drive by.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Why did the baby fall off the swing? Because i hit it with a bat.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

how did the guy in the wheelchair cross the road he didnt he got dragged down the street cause his chair was hooked to the bus

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's green and shitty? A bootleg stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

"hey woody can i ask you a question" "sure buzz" "why is it your name is woody but they use me as a vibrator"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why was the white girl not wanting to have a baby with her boyfriend he was black

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two peanuts were walking down the road. One was assaulted because they were walking in Detroit.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Whats better than seeing a worm in your apple... Reading the the next anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops