A man runs into a bar and yells "Ow!!" He is hospitalized due to severe trauma to the head and spine.

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Why did the waiter lose his job? Because he was a fish

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A pogo stick. Just kidding. Cancer.

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist

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Its a bird!! Its a plane!! No, its a bird.

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb Wanna go ride bikes?

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Yo mama's so fat, she has low self-esteem.

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seven guys rob a bank, they share it in this ratio 2:2:2:4:2:5:2 who got the most money? you don't know

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? Because she is enjoying the meal her husband has prepared for her after a long day at her second full-time job of the day

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they told me not to write here but i did

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How fast can you paint a fence with babies? Depends how fast you can throw them.

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How can you make a little boy tell the truth? Threaten to murder his family.

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Q: Why was the boy sad? A: An Elephant was sitting on his face

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Traffic was too backed-up so the chicken took a different route.

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What did the frat guy drink after he lifted? A various assortment of beverages that were chilled at a cool 66 degrees.

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

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What happens to a black man when he jumps into a pool of clorox? He turns white!

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whats the difference between and clorox wipe and a paper towel? a clorox wipe is wet.

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Someone told me once, but i had terrible memory so I had them tell me again.

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What do you call it one an Arab and a Jew get married? Love.

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How many ecotards does it take to change a light globe? Ve Vill Change all ze light globes to use;less grey vuns and you vill luv it or else ve vill kill you to save ze planet

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Why did the cookie shader Because someone dropped it

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? lts of stuff like murder, rape, slavery, poverty, mindcontrol, mass genocide, the holocaust, racism, plagarism, physichal assault, war, terrorism, massacres, onsloughts, necrophillia, the dead rising, zombies, jokes on antijokes.com, awkward situations, dieing, cancer, ADHD, other mental illnesses, paint, the grim reaper, shinigami, stereotyping foreigners, prejudicism, bullying, armed robbery, hacking, viruses, incest, feral animals, getting lost in the forest, arsonry, pyromania, passing out in a bar, meeting a serial killer, and finding 2 worms in your apple.

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What did the doctor say to the morbidly obese man? "You should get on a diet. It's a surprise you're even alive for so long with such a bad heart" The next day the man dies while eating celery.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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