A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

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Q: What is a African man with funny clothing and children straddling onto his back for dear life/ screaming in fear who only a few minutes ago before a particular incident made several young children cry and being chased by an authority figure? A: An intentionally inane circus performer partcipating in a scintillating rendition alongside his two children of who inadvertently frightened a small group of youth before he immediately decided to proceed by, during one of his extremely long, albeit few breaks, taking the members of his family on an interesting excursion to the nearby amusement park for occassional thrills. On the initial journey there, the black man, out of haste, accidentally dropped one of his children's most valuable toys of which elicited undeniably obnoxious bouts of sadness to come bursting out of his children's respective chests and an increased rate-of-travel for his wife of who accopanied him on his adventure and desired to assist him in his panic. In the spin of events, the man experienced an instance of hyper-activedness and spun out of control for a minute before eventually cooling down. Hence the screaming.

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Ever since I've been using chloroform as cologne I've been getting laid a lot.

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Edward and Bella looked at each other. Then they both died. Oh, and Jacob is actually a transvestite.

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Knock Knock "Who's There?" *No answer* The man proceeds to go on with his life

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Why did the women hit the telephone pole? There are many theories but one suggests that it is due to womens statistically lower cognitive spacial reasoning abilities.

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Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

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Whats worse than falling down the stairs? Falling UP the stairs.

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What can be any colour and is made of leather? Cars. I lied about the leather part.

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A Woman out of the kitchen

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what has green paint and flies? a garbage truck

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What's worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The spelling errors on anti-jokes.com

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Knock knock. Who's there? Awkward silence Awkward silence who? ...

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A man walks into a bar He says ouch

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Roses are der, Violets are lube, I am dyslexic.

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A man walked into a bar and said ow.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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One aardvark says to the other aardvark, "Hi." The other aardvark says, "Ahh! A talking aarkvard."

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What do you call a black guy eating fried chicken? His name.

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your mother is so rather large that when she stepped onto a scale, it stated her exact body weight which was 280 pounds. Which come to think of it isn't that big considering that obesity is now the norm and average people are referred to as abnormal.

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you momas so fat, you momas so ugly Your mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late great Salvador Dali mistook them for cloth.

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? Nothing. They are both created in God's image and likeness so get your mind outta the gutter!

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My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

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A man walked in a bar had 4 drinks and walked home because drunk driving is dangerous

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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